The William Jefferson Clinton Presidential Library


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Bill Clinton was never a man to deny
any of his personal urges! William Jefferson Clinton

42nd president of the United States of America

Born William Jefferson Blythe IV in Hope, Arkansas, on August 19, 1946, he took the last name of step-father Roger Clinton of Hot Springs, Arkansas.

He was elected President after promising 65 different special interest groups he would cut the military budget and spend every penny on their particular agenda.

He was sworn in on January 20, 1993.  Four years later, on November 5, 1996, He was re-elected for a second four-year term.

His lasting presidential legacy is that he became the only president of the 20th century to be impeached for lying under oath about his use of cigars with 21 year-old White House intern Monica Lewinski.


The Clinton Collection

President Clinton had little interest in reading, preferring TV and peeking through keyholes for his main sources of information.  This resulted in the one of the smallest literary collections ever assembled for a presidential library.   Fortunately, a number of the volumes in his personal library were collected before they made it to the shredder, and are preserved for posterity.  A number of his more special volumes had the pages mysteriously glued together, but diligent restoration work by the U.S. Library of Congress Archives Restoration Section has opened them up for the public to view.


Classic Volumes for our President

President Clinton took great comfort in reading the classics.  Among the greatest treasures in his personal collection were an original March 1986 copy of Playboy featuring the article "Can Jack Kemp Outplay Bill Bradley"  It was believed that this was the principal document that made him decide to run for his first term.

This November 1973 copy of Penthouse, found stuck to Lincoln's bed, was his constant companion from early youth.  It contained Marco Vassi's classic story, "Sex Beyond Sex", and is believed to be the chief cause of "Little Willie" beginning to bend toward the left.


The President always kept his closest friends at his fingertips.  His personal address book revealed his belief in communicating with ordinary citizens, as it contained over 700 addresses of hotel maids, waitresses, babysitters and other common folk.

The book is currently undergoing restoration at the Library of Congress and will be displayed as soon as a damaged page is repaired.

Address Book


The clothes make the man! Although Bill Clinton was a draft-dodger, and did not serve in the military as did former presidents George Bush, Ronald Reagan, Lyndon Johnson, Gerald Ford, Richard Nixon, John F. Kennedy, Richard Nixon, and Harry Truman, he loved to play Army Guy.  He could often be seen wearing an Air Force A-2 flying jacket with an Armored Division patch on the front.

He quickly became the first civilian commander in chief to salute his marine guards while entering or exiting an aircraft.  Apparently, none of his staff had to the courage to tell him that civilians, and particularly draft-dodgers, do not have the right to salute anyone for any reason.

Nevertheless, it was a fun fantasy game for him, and he continued to play Army Guy until his term expired.


The late Senator Thomas J. Dodd of Connecticut requested and received an English translation of the Nazi Gun Laws from the Library of Congress to use as a model for his firearms reform.  Upon his passing, the book passed to his son, Senator Christopher J. Dodd.  It is believed that this volume was given to President Clinton to form the basis for his anti-gun agenda.  It is much revered by both the President and Mrs. Brady, and the Library was fortunate to have retained this only known copy.

The model for the Brady Bill


Clinton reportedly memorized this volume. This volume was reportedly Bill Clinton's constant companion.  In it, he found solace in the face of adversity, and mastery of the phrase,

"It depends what you mean by...."


Clinton's
Military Policy
Inspiration

It depends upon what you mean "is" is.....

Lacking personal military experience, Clinton often turned to Oriental sources for guidance in formulation of his military policy.

The Chinese were delighted to assist him in cutting the U.S. Military down to ineffective size, and further provided him with guidance in his famous "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy toward gays in the military.


Slick Willy and his favorite talking head

Bill's Favorite Puppet

While some credit the economy during his tenure to American Business or Republican Alan Greenspan, Clinton assures us this was not so.

"Greenspan was only doing what I told him to", insists Clinton.  "He was nothing more than a puppet for my enlightened economic policy incentives."

(Please note:  A full list of Clinton's original economic policy incentives will be added to the Presidential Library as soon as they are located.  To date, we have not been able to locate a single one.)


True to his campaign promise, President Clinton began immediately trimming the military to 30% of it's former strength, guided by the manual shown, which he reportedly helped to write.  His task - punishing the Armed Forces who frequently mooned him when his back was turned - was inadvertently aided by former President George Bush, who had previously reduced the Armed Forces to it's smallest practical size following the collapse of the former Soviet Union.

When the general public became aware in mid-1998 that the U.S. Armed Forces no longer had the capacity to fight a war on the scale of a Desert Storm, Clinton immediately announced a strengthening of forces to counter the deficiency, which he promptly blamed on former President Bush after a careful reading of The Perfection of Falsehood (above).

Getting even with the U.S. Armed Forces


Presidential Cigar & Accessories

Since his Vice-President , Al Gore, had spent his youth as a poor black kid in the tobacco fields of Tennessee, President Clinton occasionally enjoyed a good cigar.  He never inhaled, of course, and was proud to have pioneered the notion that tobacco products could be enjoyed safely. 

Clinton pioneered the enjoyment of "safe cigars".


Was thoroughly tested for HIV virus before placing in the Library

Monica's Dress

Preserved both as a contemporary style example and as a presidential DNA sample, this fashionable frock was typical of the attire of Clinton's generation, and well worth preserving for history.

"I always liked that dress", said the President "... and maybe some day they're be able to clone me.....".


Presidential Law License

Found in a trash bin behind the Offices of the Arkansas Bar Association, this diploma is believed to be the law license of President Clinton which was used by him while Attorney General of the State of Arkansas

Bill's first license to steal from the public


Burn, Baby, Burn!

Presidential Draft Card

Recently discovered in a former KGB Office in Moscow, this is believed to be the remains of President Clinton's Vietnam era draft card when he was a Rhodes Scholar whose tuition was being paid by the taxpayers of the United States.

Later, Clinton would visit Vietnam during his final legacy-building dash to become the first President to do something other than be remembered only for having run around the oval office with his pants down around his ankles for 8 years.


Presidential Honors

When Clinton lobbed 21 Tomahawk missiles into downtown Baghdad, killing 9 innocent civilians at a cost of $25.2 million, he set an all-time record for cost-per-murder, earning kudos from groups interested in that sort of thing.

"Killing is really fun", said Clinton.  "Especially when you're safely behind bulletproof glass.  This is better than a video game!"

Our Man of the Year!

Secrets of how to propagate the Rainbow Coalition Presidential Counselors

Clinton was a deeply religious pervert, and often turned to the Clergy for spiritual guidance.

Here the Reverend Jesse Jackson whispers his personal formula for dorking the hired help without getting caught.  Unfortunately, the Reverend Jackson's counsel was slightly flawed in this particular case.


Broken Presidential Tooth

In the last week of his presidency, Bill Clinton mistakenly crunched down on a handfull of W's which had been removed from White House keyboards.

"I thought they were M&M's", he said.

The $200,000.00 White House Toothache


Clinton takes credit for creating a completely new American business initiative!

Clinton's Entrepreneurial Spirit

The President clearly understood the entrepreneurial spirit, even though his Whitewater enterprise failed.

His second attempt at supplementing his meager salary as chief executive was a much greater success.


Clinton's most Unusual Award

In his failed attempt to ban "assault rifles", President Clinton unintentionally made this style of rifle the most popular collectable in America.  So great was the demand, that five new manufacturers were launched, and well over 1,000,000 new semiautomatic versions of the popular Military M16 came into the hands of law-abiding citizens.

Most unusual award!


 

 

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